I don't plan on blogging about James a lot. Aside from being boring for you lot, first, I don't think it sets a good precedent and second, I'm thinking about letting him read the blog.
James and his flatmate had a big bust up last night. I stay over at James' 2-3 times a week. James never stays at mine because I live at home. The flatmate stays at his boyfriend's about 3 times a week. Raising this issue for the second time in 6 weeks, the flatmate argued that he should only pay for 4 days a week worth of utility bills and either James or I should subsidise the remaining cost. The fact that the flatmate lives in the same complex as his boyfriend therefore allowing him to easily stay over there doesn't figure in the flatmate's mind.
Now this has made me super mad. Especially the accusation that I'm getting a cushy deal by staying at James' rent-free for 2-3 nights a week. I have lived with several people and this kind of arrangement has never been an issue. It's pretty normal and is just the flatmate's way of trying to save a buck at the cost of a friendship. The horrible thing is that now I don't even want to go over there so in a way he's got his way anyway.
Am I wrong?
Give me peace and torrid affairs.
2 years ago
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4 comments:
This is a real tough one for all of you. I can see both sides - on the one hand, Flatmate is barely around so why should he object when he hardly sees you, and it's nothing to do with you that he's at his bloke's so often so he should still pay his way for the full time.
I agree that Flatmate can't shirk off his paying for the bills but I think that this is more complex than it appears.
If it were just him and James, then this is a no brainer. As Flatmate isn't around so much, the bills would be lower so he wouldn't be paying so much.
However, if you're staying over (although this only really applies to water as heating and electricity won't be affe
cted by whether you're there or not) and using the shower etc, it means that the water bills will be higher. Ordinarily, this would be countered by James staying at yours and using the facilities there - thus his usage at home would be lower and cancel out the stuff that you use when you're there. This has no cost implication for Flatmate.
As James can't stay at yours, this doesn't happen so Flatmate may feel that he's subsidising you. This may well be where the ill feeling originates from, and he's tried to mask it initially with his "I'm never here" argument but it's got cocked up in the heat of the disagreement.
In our house, we all have other halves. It tends to be pretty even how our time works so that for every night that DEsk Editor has her bloke over and he uses the shower etc, she'll spend a night at his and use his.
If you take me, I am at The Mechanic's more than he's here so if anything, my housemates are quids in!
So, I think it is a bit of a brouhaha that has blown out of proportion with Flatmate, but I can see why he might be feeling fed up.
It's crap that you feel uncomfortable there, but give it a few weeks and it'll all die down again xxxx
I blogged about this because I suspected that my reaction was highly emotional. Thanks for commenting because I can see now that flatmate may have a point, I just couldn't find it in myself to even consider it!
p.s. I've been trying to add you to my blogroll but for some reason your's is the only one won't show up? PinkJellyBaby is also wordpress so I didn't think that was it. I'll try again xx
I'm with Blue Soup. I think it's a funny thing, the whole boyfriend / girlfriend staying over situation. Sometimes it's about money like she said, and other times it can come down to someone not feeling comfortable in their own house when there's a couple lounging over each other on the sofa. There's lots of reasons why it might bother him, but ultimately he's going to think of the most logical explanation no matter how illogical his real reasons might be.
My ex's house which he rented and shared with 2 others actually had a clause in the contract which said the tenants weren't allowed to have someone staying over for more than three consecutive days a week. He also never stayed at mine because I lived at home, so I was always conscious anyway of out staying my welcome or annoying his housemates by being there too much. Likewise, I was conscious of using lots of water which they'd all pay for. So in return I'd do things like clean up the kitchen, tidy up after myself, wash up if there was stuff in the sink - just little things to prevent me being a hinderance to the living situation.
Sometimes you just have to be sensitive to the fact that it's his house too - and regardless of how much he's there or not, he signed up to live with James, not James + 1.
Well i've just had to cut down the nights I spend there. Last week I only stayed over 1 night. Oh well.
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